No mas Radiation! - September 14, 2010

As I laid on my back to do my very last session of radiation, I was intensely praying to God that even though the first 34 days may not have worked and that we are down to one last day, please take control of this and heal me if it is your will. It was a spiritual moment I'll never forget. I was doing my best to "believe" God was going to heal me that second, if it was His perfect timing.

Every radiation session includes 7 beams/sections and as the machine goes around my body and reached the very last one, my prayers intensified and I was doing my best not to lose focus. It was down to 10 seconds left of radiation. Radiation, after all, is a major treatment plan for my Sarcoma...And having it not work is problematic...So the last 10 seconds were so cumbersome that I barely got to say anything to the Lord, but He knew my heart and when I heard the radiation buzz stop, I knew my Radiation treatment was over. I heard my heart say deep down "Come what may; the Lord is in control."

When I went outside, my mom shared with me how she was praying the same prayer I was, regarding the very last day of Radiation being more powerful than all previous ones combined, and that should the Radiation not have worked previously, that it would work today! It was a beautiful confirmation.

The bell behind us is a bell that every graduate of Radiation Therapy is entitled to ring. It felt a bit awkward, but I still rang it ;)
I remember seeing many people throughout my sessions ring it, and I always asked myself "I wonder how that felt"...and to my non-surprise, it didn't feel THAT great. lol. It's all mental, really. The fact is that Radiation was over! 

Towards the end of my 5 weeks of daily visits to the hospital for Radiation sessions, I got somewhat attached to the process and to the group of people I got to see everyday. Unlike any other process out there, which either takes place sporadically, or with a different medical team -- the same Radiation team who welcomed me the first day was there to say good-bye on September 14.

They were so nice to me; so helpful, so caring and so loving. They usually played their favorite music in the background while radiation was in process....I looked forward to everyday, wondering what type of music would be playing. I was excited to be done with Radiation, but sad that I would be leaving this team behind and that I wouldn't be seeing them anymore. It was another chapter closed. 

I wish everyone was like these 2 women: happy, laughing, smiling and positive. Who wouldn't want to be around them? Aside from a single mother nurse in the PET Scan department, they were my favorites too. And I'm sure they felt it was mutual, as I tried my best to show them God's Love, as well as God's promises. We had a few conversations and I always told them that "Our Lord is my only Healer, but that I'm hoping their Radiation machines were the means to my healing."

I even got attached to my 2 Ethiopian friends who ran the Valet service at the Radiation center. They would take my car everyday and we'd have a few seconds to exchange small conversations. They were such nice people, and I was so happy to take a picture with them before leaving on my last day.  

I would sometimes have Christian music playing in my car and wouldn't bother shutting it off so that my friends could listen to the music that I liked. 

I went home after having finished Radiation and took a picture of my Cross-hair: 

It looked like the map of Texas, lol. But I was glad that I could now clean and shower that part of my body, without worrying about taking the traces off! 

I was now officially done with all my Pre-Surgery treatments! I was given 4 weeks off to regain strength and to get ready for my surgery. My family's trip to East Europe was a few days away. God is good, always!

Colonoscopy - September 8, 2010

After letting my Doctor know that I had some bleeding, he opted me out of Chemo Cycle 6, and decided that I should do a Colonoscopy.

I didn't really know what a Colonoscopy was, but I remember seeing my father go through it a few months prior. He was drinking liquids the night before his test and complaining about how bad the solution tasted. My dad is the type of person who is able to eat or drink anything without any questions asked. Whether snails or any other delicatessen out there; he's in for the fun. So when I saw him making faces while drinking his one and a half gallon liquid mix (which seemed to me like water), I thought he was acting; but as I followed his footsteps, I understood what it was about...The tables have turned and it was his turn to laugh at me while drinking...lol.

The next morning, I woke up very hungry, and that's maybe why the day seemed awfully long, as I was waiting for my appointment (3pm). Minutes were ticking by slowly, and I was, for once, more than ready to go to the hospital. I knew a big meal awaited me after the process.

 The time came, and I was admitted to Room #2, where I was asked to change to a hospital gown.

The assistant to the Doctor who was going to perform the Colonoscopy dropped by and explained to us what the process was about. He also allowed time for us to ask questions. He was a nice and sharp guy in his late thirties. I knew by his accent that he was FOB (Fresh Off the Boat) Jewish, but when I told him I'm his Lebanese neighbor, he didn't really take the invitation to joking too well...Oh well, as long as he didn't rip my intestines apart, I was OK with him being a bit unfriendly. Politics always has its way anyways. Wow, that's quite a wordplay.

When he left, my parents and I had about fifteen minutes to chat before I was taken away. I wasn't nervous, but I wasn't totally comfortable either. Just imagining a long metallic wired camera going through my body from inside made me indifferent about going in, although knowing I would be knocked out. The nurse assured me I would be sleeping....

As I am called to go into the room, the Doctor welcomes me. I had a big smile on my face. For the first time in my life, I was going into (let's call it an Operating Room) a mini OR and a Doctor with a suit welcomed me! I was shocked to see him not dressed in a white suit, rather a regular suit men would wear to work or church. I made a comment about that, and he laughed back saying that's how he does things. I liked the originality and I was now a fan of Colonoscopies, lol. Our relationship was off to a good start while the FOB Jewish guy was standing right next to him. I can't remember if he found any of this amusing. 

A minute before starting, the nurse injects me with Anesthesia. They were all looking at me, probably waiting for me to sleep or pass out. I didn't. They said it was OK to stay awake as long as there is no pain...So they went about their thing, and a minute later I really started feeling the pain of the camera inside of me, moving about freely, so the Doctor asked the nurse to inject me with more Anesthesia. Similarly to the Biopsy, even after 3 injections (3x more Anesthesia than your average Joe), I managed to stay awake the whole time and watched them do the whole process -- there was a nice 24" LCD screen right next to me and I was watching the camera go through my body. 

For a minute, I forgot that what I was looking at was happening inside of me. I was drowsy and watching what seemed to be an unfathomable speed of camera movement.  It was like watching a screen that takes you through a tunnel at high speeds, not knowing what to expect next. It was kind of fun for a few moments. And with some thought, I was able to link the mild pain or uncomfortable sensation inside of me to the screen. It wasn't that exciting watching the organs, considering the blood, fluids and other liquids roaming about the body. Overall, I was ready for it to be over...

I was relieved to know it was finished so fast. It wasn't a very difficult process, but it can be somewhat uncomfortable at times. The Doctor immediately shared with me that my Colon was clear and that there was no sign of tumor anywhere in that area! Praise God! 

Hebrews 13:15

"Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge His name"

I am training my mind to thank Him for every little detail in my life, the seen and the unseen, as every good thing is from Him, literally every single thing. When there is mutual respect between 2 people, the bond grows stronger, and that's how it is with God when He sees that we are thankful and acknowledging that He is the source of all good things! It also feels good to thank Him! 

Although He sometimes allows for not so good things to happen in our lives, He has a bigger plan for us which we might not see or understand. Ultimately it still boils down to something good, through bad or tough experiences. We just need to stay the course, and faithfully....and then...watch out...Be amazed at what He has in store for us!

Some Randomness for a change...

On August 24, one day before meeting with my doctor for the end of Cycle 5, I decided to build a chair I had bought for my desk in my room. It was a completely random day and I started working on putting it together around 5pm. Halfway through this and about 30 minutes later, my sister enters my room and tells me that my cousin in Wilmington, NC was doing the exact same thing at the same second!! So ironic and so funny!! Here are our pictures! 

I give props to her for even trying to put the chair together. It's not the easiest of things, specially for a girl who might have other things to do ;)

In case any of you ever pictured me on my computer writing this blog, wonder no more. Here is where it's all happening, with the new chair of course: