I was expecting pretty dramatical physical performance having combined Chemo with Radiation. It really hit me on Day 5 of Radiation which was also Day 10 in my Chemo Cycle (lowest blood counts) -- on August 11, my fatigue was one to remember. I got home from radiation, and was planning to do some reading, only to find out that my eyes were so heavy to the point of me struggling to keep them open in midday; I was more than ready to pass out. I rushed my mom in preparing lunch so that I can hibernate upstairs.
As planned, immediately after lunch, I took a 3 hour afternoon nap and woke up only to prevent my body from getting into jet-lag mode so that I can sleep at a decent hour at night. Had that not been my worry, I could have probably slept through the morning -- a myth and a reality I highly doubt since I'm not a sleeper type and usually cannot get more than 7 hours at a time....I guess it'll make us all wonder.
Looking back and seeing how I was already midway in my 5th month was consoling...I remember meeting a gentleman while waiting to get admitted on my 3rd Day of Chemo Cycle 1. I was still in the beginning of the race and my body was so weak since it wasn't used to Chemo. I wore blankets while waiting in the hospital, carried my mask with me diligently, was fully aware of everyone around me and was always curious in knowing what the next step was. It was too eventful, and too new for me. It was a new world that I became apart of, whether I liked it or not. I had become one with hospitals, doctors and medicines.
This gentleman was sitting across from me and my mother. He was in his early thirties and I struck conversation with him. He was a big guy, with biceps nearly as big as half my thigh. He also had an army necklace hanging down his white t-shirt. I would have never guessed he had cancer had it not been for his shaved head and eyebrows. He still looked very strong and in shape.
He was reading a newspaper, but immediately put it down when he saw that I was so interested in chatting with him. He was also a Sarcoma patient, and was diagnosed back in 2007. He fought it and was in remission by mid-2008. In early 2010, the Sarcoma came back and new spots were found in his lungs. He is still fighting this as we speak.
I remember vividly how he shared his story with my mother and I. He was a very athletic person who ran over 150 miles per month, consistently. He passionately enlightened us about the first couple cycles and how being sick in bed is nothing out of the norm, even for a big guy like him. He told me that by the first Cycle, he was already on blood transfusions and got 1-2 every cycle up until surgery. That really scared me. It's one thing to give blood, but it's another thing to sit in bed and get other people's blood...I just don't like this thought. I told myself that I'd do whatever it takes to prevent this, if it is in my control.
Now that I am only a few weeks away from surgery and that all Chemo is done, I can tap myself on the back knowing that I made it through the toughest Chemo cycles for 5 months without one blood transfusion! I never had to spend a night in the hospital either! It was a miracle and an answered prayer from God! He is truly with me at all times! This is a greater miracle than any of you can imagine, and I am in awe for how the Lord is taking care of me. There is no strength and no healing hand like His.
My delicate, weak and thin body sustained the damage better than the army-like person that I discussed above. It's no surprise though, as He was with me, giving me the strength and the endurance needed:
Colossians 1:11
"...being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father."
While the verse above is pertaining to spiritual endurance, it can be compared to our physical endurance through trials. You might not think that God had anything to do with me not getting blood transfusions, which is fair, but I personally believe He relieved me of this headache.
As the Cycles were cumulative, my Hemoglobin would drop lower every time. My parents were aware of the problem we were facing, and they really helped feed me nutritious foods to prevent it. Any Hemoglobin level below 7.0 means automatic admission to the hospital. I reached 7.2 during Cycle 4. I was really close...For some reason, my levels were higher during Cycle 5.
I called a friend right before my blood draw on my lowest blood count day (Cycle 5) and shared with him how I was very worried my Hemoglobin would be lower than 7.0. I wasn't ready to be admitted to the hospital. I really hate being there...But God worked a miracle and I was spared. My levels were 8.2! It was a miracle! This is one thing I am very joyful for!
Psalm 6:9
"The Lord has heard my supplication, the Lord receives my prayer."
On the flipside, the VinCristine Chemo mix is known to really affect the veins. My veins used to be pronounced on my arms, very visible and very strong. As of today, they are not noticeable and well hidden underneath my arms. A few posts ago, I mentioned how I was proud of myself for getting used to blood draws. The fear and the pain they imposed was something I started paying little attention to, considering I had bigger problems ahead.
Unfortunately, the last couple blood draws have been beyond painful....I finally asked one nurse why they were hurting so much more than before....She told me that my veins were 'collapsing' and that due to Chemo, the nurses are having to dig deeper with the needle to draw the blood. I wasn't too surprised the journey was going to get tougher, even when it comes to something I thought I overcame...It's pretty sad.
The other observation regarding those blood draws are their duration. While they used to take a few seconds, they are now taking around 30 seconds, if not longer. I think the blood flow out of my weaker veins is now slower. I am not sure if this has to do with lower Hemoglobin levels or not. I try my best not to distract or talk to the nurses anymore so that they can rush the blood draw. It bothers me when they start talking to others around me while drawing my blood, therefore extending the duration of the needle in my arm...It's discomforting, and I get very anxious very fast.
I used to allow anyone to prick me. Not anymore. If the nurse is a student in training, I usually request another nurse. I hate to break it to them by telling them that I'd rather have a more experienced nurse, but all I have to do is show them my bruised up arm and they understand. It's not a crime to switch to a more confident nurse since I am no longer like before.
Finally, it was my goal to reach surgery having used my RIGHT ARM alone for all blood draws and IV's. Halfway through Cycle 5, I decided to give my right arm some rest, and started using my left arm. My right arm had it pretty bad. As soon as it recovers though, I plan to use it again.
Towards the end of August, my eyebrows starting growing back a bit. I was super excited for a few days...only to find out that a week later, this progress had diminished and my eyebrows were close to non-existent again....
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Chemo CYCLE 5 - August 2, 2010 - August 25, 2010
On July 30th, 2 days after meeting with my doctor, Dr. Patel, I was to get 'marked' for Radiation. I initially thought they would use a Sharpie Marker while putting an X on the exact location they plan to radiate, but it turns out the process was more detailed, more specific...and of course included some pain, although mild. In the beginning, they had me go through a machine similar to the CT Scan. Notice my eyebrows were totally gone! This day marked the climax of my ghost-looking days....I had reached this point before even beginning Cycle 5 of Chemo.
After laying flat on the air suction platform, the Tech guy sucked the air out so that the shape of my body would get molded on the blue cushion cradles.
A few moments later, he tells me that we need to 'Tattoo' 3 dots on my hips: 1 on the left side and 2 on the right side. He used thin and long needles to prick me. I now have 3 little dot Tattoos which will never go away, a sign of remembrance of my radiation days. I don't mind them at all. They're barely visible considering I'll have a scar through half my body. And yes, I know!! I put on lots of weight ;) Thanks for the reminder...lol
You might question what I'm about to share with you and maybe immediately react by thinking that "because he is sick and is going through tough times, he is saying what he is saying." This is not true. I always believed in this, but was a silent Lukewarm Christian. This is no longer the case. I will share my faith and share my true beliefs with anyone who is willing to lend an ear. There is no time to waste, and I hope, that you too, through whatever circumstances life puts you in are able to draw closer to God and recognize that Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation. Please keep in mind that I love you all, despite your background or your religious beliefs. I am not trying to offend anyone. I'm only sharing my take on this most important topic.
In my situation, because I was stubborn, selfish and unable to detach from this world and what it had to offer, I was sinking slowly but surely, and found myself wasting years and eventually forgetting God to some extent. God, religion and church didn't trigger much in my heart. I tried to find the joy in it, but I just didn't feel it for a long time... This is why I thank God day and night for my life today and where I stand as I write this. My cancer has been my biggest blessing.
Don't forget that I had the choice to turn my back and keep looking away from God. It's easier, and living the life that the world imposes on you is just what makes sense. It's also more fun, more tempting and can seem more world-rewarding. But that's as far as it goes. You're living for the moment only.
Not because I was born in a Christian home does it make me bias or blindly following my family's spiritual and religious footsteps. I found this truth throughout the years through personal experiences, but now more than ever. And it's real. Very real. I also feel the joy it grants. It's abundant.
You might also debate with me about Jesus Christ being the only way to salvation. If you believe in the Bible, it must be a no-brainer as the Scriptures address this confirmation non-stop. It's time that we put those verses to work. If you're not a Christian, I urge you to do your homework before setting foot on another religious or atheistic path. But before exploring the truth, please pray to God to touch you and reveal Himself to you in one way or the other (not necessarily physically or through a dream, but rather a confirmation or an inner feeling of some sort). He is alive and will listen to your plea. He will tickle your heart. And at that point, don't relieve that sensation, but instead, feed it. Keep exploring it, and pray again and again, even if your prayer is of the shortest form. However, it must be sincere. Oh, and if you are at this point, please contact me. I would love to talk to you about it, as I will be very joyful too!
Luke 15:7
Jesus said "I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."
On August 2nd, I was to start my 6 day Chemo cycle. I was afraid and more nervous about this cycle as the chemo dosage was going to be stronger and more cumulative, and I had to 'last' an extra day. I usually couldn't wait to get disconnected on my 5th day, and I begin getting antsy on Day 3. Days 3 and 4 were the hardest because they are 'full fledged' Chemo days, whereas Day 5 has a different feel to it as I am waking up knowing that by the time I sleep at night, I would no longer be dealing with chemo infusions.
However, this time, I would have to extend this antsy feeling by a day...The thought made me dread the cycle that's to come. I was uncomfortable, simply uncomfortable, but not really stressed.
While driving to the hospital, I immediately remembered Christ, and how right before His Crucifixion He was praying in the Garden of Gesthemane and sweating blood due to great stress and anguish.
Luke 22:44
“And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”
Although my Chemo dosage was proven to be the highest and toughest one MD Anderson gives to any patient, I didn't feel a fraction of the anguish and stress that Christ felt. I can't really call it stress because I wasn't stressed out....I was simply not looking forward to some tough times knowing I wouldn't be 'at ease.' I realized how my experience was nothing close to Christs' because I wasn't even sweating, let alone sweating blood. How much tougher and stronger, and more painful was the cross?? Wow!!! It's something we cannot comprehend. All these thoughts rushed through my mind as I was heading to the hospital...It gave me strength to face what Im about to face without giving myself much credit for doing it because God is with me, always!
I then imagined going through this 6 Day Cycle for a friend, a family member, a person who has persecuted or hurt me, anyone....I don't know if I could, and I don't know if I have the humility to want to do it. Im just putting things in perspective so we can all see what a great sacrifice Jesus Christ did for all of us, and yet the world is blind in seeing how majestic His love is for us. We turn the other cheek and go about our lives selfishly. We need to stop living selfish lives, forgetful of our God. I cannot stress this enough.
In Matthew 16:25, Jesus says "Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."
We always want to do what we want, and not what God designed us to do. We wake up every morning forgetting that without His grace, none of us would be breathing or reading this blog right now...
Revelation 4:11
"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."
Most of us bear the Christianity label, and perhaps wear a cross around our necks, only to accept obeying small parts of the Bible -- just as long as it doesn't mess with our daily lives and doesn't cross into our comfort zones. We may distort and deny the rest. Why have generations lost the true meaning of 'bearing the cross'?
I look back and am ashamed at myself for how I've lived part of my life...but I'm still young and I still have time to prove myself and prove that God is ultimately the prize I want to attain. Anything worldly is worthless. We're only living a milli-second flash when comparing our earthly time with eternity...What foolish person cannot understand this concept?
I can totally relate to how Radical Muslims do what they do. They are so convinced that their martyrdom will grant them access to heaven; something totally worth it for them. They'd rather sacrifice their time on earth for eternal joy in heaven. I feel with them, and understand their mindset. (Whether the Qur'an requires this or not is out of the scope of this topic). The same applies to Christianity though, but in a different way. Jesus Christ is Love and He simply wants us to love Him and live a harmonious, relationship-centered Godly life. We don't have to do too much to earn grace and salvation. He already died for us.
If you don't question your salvation, there's something wrong -- we are all blinded by our pride. I pray this does not hinder your faith. If there's one thing I learned so far throughout my cancer is that human beings are so frail, so weak, so fragile...We're simply nothing. Everything can seem to be going for us, but in one instant, one second, it can all be taken away -- whether through a severe health disease, a deadly car accident etc...
Francis Chan said in his book "Crazy Love" "Throughout time, somewhere between forty-five billion and one hundred twenty-five billion people have lived on this earth. That's 125,000,000,000. In about fifty years (give or take a couple decades), no one will remember you. Everyone you know will be dead. Certainly no one will care what job you had, what car you drove, what school you attended, or what clothes you wore."
If you're not interested in giving more than 0-1% of your time to God, then that's your decision, but He deserves so much more. Whatever we're distracted with is immaterial in the big scope of things. We go about our daily lives, day after day, neglecting the reason we are, and neglecting the God who created us! What are you busy with tomorrow? Studying for an exam? Headed to work to make a measly few $$? Going to the hairdresser to look better for the night? All of this worthless!
When I think about these things, I realize just how empty and self-driven we are. We think happiness is measured with earthly achievements or materialistic things, perhaps even sexual success or sexual pleasure, but the yield remains "overall emptiness". We should want and desire a loving God to lean on and to feel at peace, to get the blessings He wants to give His children; most of these blessings unseen to the eye. We should be passionate about a God who wants the best for us, and who promises an eternity of joy for His children!
Going back to the topic of the Crucifixion...As powerful as Jesus is, he could easily have avoided the Crucifixion. He could have brought down a legion of angels to protect him. He could have made his skin impenetrable. He could have anesthetized his pain so that he felt nothing. But he chose to do none of these things. Rather, he willingly chose to genuinely be “wounded for our transgressions” and “bruised for our iniquities” so that he could truly pay for our sins and suffer human death. Are you comprehending this vast love? For as much as your mind can fathom, it's just not enough, it's more than that. It makes me want to try and live an obedient life, an all-encompassing Biblical life, a Christ-centered life, not simply a "I don't steal, I don't kill, I go to church on Sundays" type of Christian life, because as blinding as it may seem, it's worthless too.
Francis Chan puts it in a more compelling style: "Most of our thoughts are centered on the money we want to make, the school we want to attend, the body we aspire to have, the spouse we want to marry, the kind of person we want to become...But the fact is that nothing should concern us more than our relationship with God; it's about eternity and nothing compares with that."
Reach out and join me on this journey. You'll definitely look back and jump from joy when you realize this was the best decision you've ever made.
Daniel Webster once said "The greatest thought that has ever entered my mind is that one day I will have to stand before a holy God and give an account of my life."
A few guys and I started a weekly small group meeting, which includes accountability to remain accountable to each other. Our first topic is Humility...We're reading an awesome book titled Humility by Andrew Murray -- a must read for everyone. We all have pride in its various shapes and forms. It's something we need to fight with God's help, to rid ourselves from it in order to draw closer to God.
In the first chapter I learned about how much humility it took Christ to do what He did for us on the cross.
Isaiah 53:7
“He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter...so He did not open His mouth.”
Philippians 2:8-9
"And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself, and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!"
If you really think about this, you can't but respect and love such a man, a man who lived to the fullest the concept of Love and selflessness.
If you're still unable to feel me on this, think about it this way:
Imagine you're the son of a diplomat, the son of a president or the son of a CEO. Would you spend your teenage years as well as your twenties with a low-key, humble personality? You probably wouldn't. Every person who comes in contact with you would know who your father was. I am sure you would have pride when it comes to your family's status. You wouldn't tolerate anyone persecuting you or hating on you. Your bad, temper-filled side would shortly thereafter be shown to all because you do possess a certain power through your father...
But Christ wasn't like this. Although some people knew who He was, it wasn't until His last 3 years that He was proclaiming who He was and who His Father was -- but only to save you and me! His message of Hope which shakes the world to this day never ceases to draw many for a reason...If you too, are shaken today or have been recently moved by His spirit, don't hold back, instead acknowledge that you're a sinner and that He died on the cross for your sins and pray that He enters into your heart as you proclaim Him Lord and Saviour over your life...It's simple, yet the world has a hard time taking this free gift -- a costly grace through His death and His Love for us.
John 14:6
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life."
Quoting Andrew Murray "His humility became our salvation. His salvation became our humility." It takes humility to accept the word of God and to accept the fact that we are NOT in control of our lives. Humility is the most important trait in growing towards Christ's likeness and bearing fruit. From within humility flows love, forgiveness, gentleness, goodness and most importantly faith.
After laying flat on the air suction platform, the Tech guy sucked the air out so that the shape of my body would get molded on the blue cushion cradles.
A few moments later, he tells me that we need to 'Tattoo' 3 dots on my hips: 1 on the left side and 2 on the right side. He used thin and long needles to prick me. I now have 3 little dot Tattoos which will never go away, a sign of remembrance of my radiation days. I don't mind them at all. They're barely visible considering I'll have a scar through half my body. And yes, I know!! I put on lots of weight ;) Thanks for the reminder...lol
You might question what I'm about to share with you and maybe immediately react by thinking that "because he is sick and is going through tough times, he is saying what he is saying." This is not true. I always believed in this, but was a silent Lukewarm Christian. This is no longer the case. I will share my faith and share my true beliefs with anyone who is willing to lend an ear. There is no time to waste, and I hope, that you too, through whatever circumstances life puts you in are able to draw closer to God and recognize that Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation. Please keep in mind that I love you all, despite your background or your religious beliefs. I am not trying to offend anyone. I'm only sharing my take on this most important topic.
In my situation, because I was stubborn, selfish and unable to detach from this world and what it had to offer, I was sinking slowly but surely, and found myself wasting years and eventually forgetting God to some extent. God, religion and church didn't trigger much in my heart. I tried to find the joy in it, but I just didn't feel it for a long time... This is why I thank God day and night for my life today and where I stand as I write this. My cancer has been my biggest blessing.
Don't forget that I had the choice to turn my back and keep looking away from God. It's easier, and living the life that the world imposes on you is just what makes sense. It's also more fun, more tempting and can seem more world-rewarding. But that's as far as it goes. You're living for the moment only.
Not because I was born in a Christian home does it make me bias or blindly following my family's spiritual and religious footsteps. I found this truth throughout the years through personal experiences, but now more than ever. And it's real. Very real. I also feel the joy it grants. It's abundant.
You might also debate with me about Jesus Christ being the only way to salvation. If you believe in the Bible, it must be a no-brainer as the Scriptures address this confirmation non-stop. It's time that we put those verses to work. If you're not a Christian, I urge you to do your homework before setting foot on another religious or atheistic path. But before exploring the truth, please pray to God to touch you and reveal Himself to you in one way or the other (not necessarily physically or through a dream, but rather a confirmation or an inner feeling of some sort). He is alive and will listen to your plea. He will tickle your heart. And at that point, don't relieve that sensation, but instead, feed it. Keep exploring it, and pray again and again, even if your prayer is of the shortest form. However, it must be sincere. Oh, and if you are at this point, please contact me. I would love to talk to you about it, as I will be very joyful too!
Luke 15:7
Jesus said "I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."
On August 2nd, I was to start my 6 day Chemo cycle. I was afraid and more nervous about this cycle as the chemo dosage was going to be stronger and more cumulative, and I had to 'last' an extra day. I usually couldn't wait to get disconnected on my 5th day, and I begin getting antsy on Day 3. Days 3 and 4 were the hardest because they are 'full fledged' Chemo days, whereas Day 5 has a different feel to it as I am waking up knowing that by the time I sleep at night, I would no longer be dealing with chemo infusions.
However, this time, I would have to extend this antsy feeling by a day...The thought made me dread the cycle that's to come. I was uncomfortable, simply uncomfortable, but not really stressed.
While driving to the hospital, I immediately remembered Christ, and how right before His Crucifixion He was praying in the Garden of Gesthemane and sweating blood due to great stress and anguish.
Luke 22:44
“And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”
Although my Chemo dosage was proven to be the highest and toughest one MD Anderson gives to any patient, I didn't feel a fraction of the anguish and stress that Christ felt. I can't really call it stress because I wasn't stressed out....I was simply not looking forward to some tough times knowing I wouldn't be 'at ease.' I realized how my experience was nothing close to Christs' because I wasn't even sweating, let alone sweating blood. How much tougher and stronger, and more painful was the cross?? Wow!!! It's something we cannot comprehend. All these thoughts rushed through my mind as I was heading to the hospital...It gave me strength to face what Im about to face without giving myself much credit for doing it because God is with me, always!
I then imagined going through this 6 Day Cycle for a friend, a family member, a person who has persecuted or hurt me, anyone....I don't know if I could, and I don't know if I have the humility to want to do it. Im just putting things in perspective so we can all see what a great sacrifice Jesus Christ did for all of us, and yet the world is blind in seeing how majestic His love is for us. We turn the other cheek and go about our lives selfishly. We need to stop living selfish lives, forgetful of our God. I cannot stress this enough.
In Matthew 16:25, Jesus says "Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."
We always want to do what we want, and not what God designed us to do. We wake up every morning forgetting that without His grace, none of us would be breathing or reading this blog right now...
Revelation 4:11
"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."
Most of us bear the Christianity label, and perhaps wear a cross around our necks, only to accept obeying small parts of the Bible -- just as long as it doesn't mess with our daily lives and doesn't cross into our comfort zones. We may distort and deny the rest. Why have generations lost the true meaning of 'bearing the cross'?
I look back and am ashamed at myself for how I've lived part of my life...but I'm still young and I still have time to prove myself and prove that God is ultimately the prize I want to attain. Anything worldly is worthless. We're only living a milli-second flash when comparing our earthly time with eternity...What foolish person cannot understand this concept?
I can totally relate to how Radical Muslims do what they do. They are so convinced that their martyrdom will grant them access to heaven; something totally worth it for them. They'd rather sacrifice their time on earth for eternal joy in heaven. I feel with them, and understand their mindset. (Whether the Qur'an requires this or not is out of the scope of this topic). The same applies to Christianity though, but in a different way. Jesus Christ is Love and He simply wants us to love Him and live a harmonious, relationship-centered Godly life. We don't have to do too much to earn grace and salvation. He already died for us.
If you don't question your salvation, there's something wrong -- we are all blinded by our pride. I pray this does not hinder your faith. If there's one thing I learned so far throughout my cancer is that human beings are so frail, so weak, so fragile...We're simply nothing. Everything can seem to be going for us, but in one instant, one second, it can all be taken away -- whether through a severe health disease, a deadly car accident etc...
James 4:14
"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."
If you're not interested in giving more than 0-1% of your time to God, then that's your decision, but He deserves so much more. Whatever we're distracted with is immaterial in the big scope of things. We go about our daily lives, day after day, neglecting the reason we are, and neglecting the God who created us! What are you busy with tomorrow? Studying for an exam? Headed to work to make a measly few $$? Going to the hairdresser to look better for the night? All of this worthless!
When I think about these things, I realize just how empty and self-driven we are. We think happiness is measured with earthly achievements or materialistic things, perhaps even sexual success or sexual pleasure, but the yield remains "overall emptiness". We should want and desire a loving God to lean on and to feel at peace, to get the blessings He wants to give His children; most of these blessings unseen to the eye. We should be passionate about a God who wants the best for us, and who promises an eternity of joy for His children!
Going back to the topic of the Crucifixion...As powerful as Jesus is, he could easily have avoided the Crucifixion. He could have brought down a legion of angels to protect him. He could have made his skin impenetrable. He could have anesthetized his pain so that he felt nothing. But he chose to do none of these things. Rather, he willingly chose to genuinely be “wounded for our transgressions” and “bruised for our iniquities” so that he could truly pay for our sins and suffer human death. Are you comprehending this vast love? For as much as your mind can fathom, it's just not enough, it's more than that. It makes me want to try and live an obedient life, an all-encompassing Biblical life, a Christ-centered life, not simply a "I don't steal, I don't kill, I go to church on Sundays" type of Christian life, because as blinding as it may seem, it's worthless too.
Francis Chan puts it in a more compelling style: "Most of our thoughts are centered on the money we want to make, the school we want to attend, the body we aspire to have, the spouse we want to marry, the kind of person we want to become...But the fact is that nothing should concern us more than our relationship with God; it's about eternity and nothing compares with that."
Reach out and join me on this journey. You'll definitely look back and jump from joy when you realize this was the best decision you've ever made.
Daniel Webster once said "The greatest thought that has ever entered my mind is that one day I will have to stand before a holy God and give an account of my life."
A few guys and I started a weekly small group meeting, which includes accountability to remain accountable to each other. Our first topic is Humility...We're reading an awesome book titled Humility by Andrew Murray -- a must read for everyone. We all have pride in its various shapes and forms. It's something we need to fight with God's help, to rid ourselves from it in order to draw closer to God.
In the first chapter I learned about how much humility it took Christ to do what He did for us on the cross.
Isaiah 53:7
“He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter...so He did not open His mouth.”
Philippians 2:8-9
"And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled himself, and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!"
If you really think about this, you can't but respect and love such a man, a man who lived to the fullest the concept of Love and selflessness.
If you're still unable to feel me on this, think about it this way:
Imagine you're the son of a diplomat, the son of a president or the son of a CEO. Would you spend your teenage years as well as your twenties with a low-key, humble personality? You probably wouldn't. Every person who comes in contact with you would know who your father was. I am sure you would have pride when it comes to your family's status. You wouldn't tolerate anyone persecuting you or hating on you. Your bad, temper-filled side would shortly thereafter be shown to all because you do possess a certain power through your father...
But Christ wasn't like this. Although some people knew who He was, it wasn't until His last 3 years that He was proclaiming who He was and who His Father was -- but only to save you and me! His message of Hope which shakes the world to this day never ceases to draw many for a reason...If you too, are shaken today or have been recently moved by His spirit, don't hold back, instead acknowledge that you're a sinner and that He died on the cross for your sins and pray that He enters into your heart as you proclaim Him Lord and Saviour over your life...It's simple, yet the world has a hard time taking this free gift -- a costly grace through His death and His Love for us.
John 14:6
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life."
Quoting Andrew Murray "His humility became our salvation. His salvation became our humility." It takes humility to accept the word of God and to accept the fact that we are NOT in control of our lives. Humility is the most important trait in growing towards Christ's likeness and bearing fruit. From within humility flows love, forgiveness, gentleness, goodness and most importantly faith.
One of my best friends, whom I mentioned in the previous post, made me the most memorable surprise ever. He was to leave Houston for good a few days later. He walked into my room on my 2nd Day of Chemo wearing a hat. On his average day, he'll wear a hat, so it wasn't uncommon for me to see him wearing a hat. A few seconds later, I notice his sideburns are gone and his hair is all shaved off! I looked at him and smiled and pointed it out; he then took off the hat, and I was thankful he was there for me, standing in solidarity even through his shaved head. It meant a lot to me. But I felt there was something more to his shaved head...I could tell he was hiding something from me. Before I could even make a comment about anything, he turned around and alas, he had a professional hairdresser carve the "I LOVE DH" on the back of his head:
Even Joanne got a kick out of it too! :)
The thought was ingenious, thoughtful and very memorable. It's one of those things that I'll never forget; I'll imagine the drawing in my head years from now, specifically when I see or remember this friend.
Towards the end of Cycle 5, I bled a few times when using the restroom. It happened at random instances over the past couple of months due to Chemo which causes some serious constipation...But I managed to get it behind me. This time however, it came more intensely and scared me at first. I wanted to share this with my doctor to make sure it was safe to continue into Cycle 6. The Chemo is known to destroy organs, mostly the Kidneys...I was troubled knowing it could imply some interior organ damage.
On August 25, my family and I met with my doctor and I shared the news with him. He got a bit confused because the bleeding caused by Chemo usually takes place during the first 10 days of the cycle, if at all...Mine started on Day 17. It was unusual.
Since surgery time was nearing and that the doctor didn't want to delay surgery any longer, he decided to set me up with the Gastrointestinal (GI) department to do a Colonoscopy. He also decided to cancel Cycle 6, as surgery cannot take place until 4 weeks after Radiation and the last cycle of Chemo are done. It gives the needed time for the effect of those treatments to take place. If we were to wait for the Colonoscopy and then do Cycle 6, it could have skewed things by about a week roughly.
My doctor looked at me and smiled and told me: "Daniel, this is my birthday present to you, I am cancelling Cycle 6!" I was so relieved, and only then did I realize how annoying and cumbersome those cycles were. I'm always ready to put on a fight and sustain the damage if I can, but I will not be opposed to the thought of any single day of Chemo that is taken off my shoulders.
I had also asked him about taking a few days off, without any hospital visits or ANYTHING of that sort. I took permission from him and my surgeon, and we worked it out so that I can take 3 weeks off before surgery!
September 28, my birthday, happens to fall right in the middle! God is always good, and never ceases to lift my spirits up and remind me that He is there with me. All glory to Him!
A few pictures from this Cycle:
This picture was actually taken at the end of Cycle 4 and one day before Cycle 5 began
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