Chemo CYCLE 1 - April 21 - May 13, 2010

Right before my Chemotherapy, I already had a library of daily medications...It seemed daunting at first, but I had to maintain a chart to keep up with the different medications as each had different timings and different daily doses. I was going to build an Excel spreadsheet, but got too lazy and am doing it the old fashioned way :)

As mentioned before, every cycle is 21 days and I was asked to do 6 cycles before my surgery and about 4 after my surgery. So Im quite a few cycles away from being done...I won't think of the big picture, and I was told by various people to take it step by step and not to worry about future cycles or anything. I think they're right, cause counting down 250 days cannot be fun ;)

At first I didn't know what all this meant, or what Chemotherapy was really about. Everyone kept telling me "You're strong, you can do this...don't sweat it etc..." so the task at hand seemed easier than it was.

Turns out most of these people (and Im sorry if you're one of them) were kind enough to be supportive and encouraging but had no idea what the toughest dose of Chemotherapy meant or what its implications were. Words are easy to throw, but going through it is a different story.

While walking around and spending time in the hospital, I met various people. Obviously as I get to know these patients, the first question evolves around the type of cancer, the staging, the spread etc, but then another common question was the type of Chemotherapy. Most of them had one day of chemotherapy every 21 days, others had 2 days for every cycle, but few of them had the highest dose, which is the toughest Chemo out there as it's 5 consecutive days for every cycle.

I didn't know what to think initially, but it just happened...I plunged into it unknowingly and it really caught me off guard the first 2 days. I had to go to MDA everyday for about 7-8 hours and get injected with Chemo, then I would go home with a backpack and was connected 24 hours for 5 days.

This is a simple example...sleeping with the new love of my life:

I didn't really feel the Chemo the first 2 days and I was relatively strong and told myself that if it didn't get any tougher, this whole thing was a joke, lol.

I am going to include a progression of photos to show you what I am talking about...

On Day 1 of Chemo, I was upset MDA delayed me by 3 hours. Instead of leaving the hospital at 9pm, I ended up leaving at midnight. Fadi and I had planned a Karaoke night that night and I was disappointed not to have made it. I was ready to rap some Jay-Z. Maybe next time, lol. In exchange, this is what my loving friends decided to do during my absence:

DAY 2: I was still feeling OK and wasn't minding my situation yet...Things weren't gloomy, considering all things. However, I started getting fever. Fever had started a few days before, but continued throughout.

Notice here how my right leg was sweating. I woke up in the middle of the night due to my fever. And the funny thing is my right leg only would be sweating...this pattern had been happening for quite a few days, and continued throughout Chemotherapy.

Day 3: I started feeling it and was getting weaker...My nausea kicked in on this day. I had a very hard time eating a small California sushi roll. Same nightly fever.

Day 4: Totally feeling nauseated and very sick. I was hating my situation as I was very tired, weak and down. Despite visitors, I was still knocked out most of the time.

Days 5 through 8 had to be the worst days I've ever faced. One day felt like a week, a week felt like a month. Time was ticking so slowly and I couldn't eat anything. Everytime I would eat something, I would vomit. I worked so hard on eating food throughout the day, and then at night, or a bit later on, I would vomit the food. It was horrible and depressing. My throat was hurting due to all the vomiting. I once vomited right after taking a pill -- a bit of water did it for me. I couldn't even look at water. It tasted nasty. I was so nauseated that nothing seemed good. Every time my mom would ask me about food, I had to literally think about it for minutes and try to figure out what my system could eat or drink. It was unbelievable.

I used to dread the nights. My cancer was cyclical. It was smart enough to know when it was night-time. And when it was night-time, pain would increase, fever would kick in, and my right leg would start sweating. I would also get very tired. Incredible. I should have traveled to Europe or abroad to confuse the tumor and get it jet-lagged ;)

I cannot describe what my body felt like during those 4 days. I was deeply poisoned, toxicated and just hating my life and the ongoing bad feelings that didn't go away. Every minute was a fight. I remember one afternoon (I think it was Day 6) battling by the minute as I could no longer take it...and then thoughts of the future 9 cycles would come to my mind and knock me down further. I did get thoughts of not wanting to continue any of this and just wanted to give up...It was too easy to give up and I can see why older people wouldn't want to go through this, it's basically a legal torture.

Not that Ive climbed Mt. Everest or any other monster mountain, but just imagine it's past dusk and the cold weather/wind and the snow are slamming you in the face and you have to continue climbing and moving your limbs before you freeze. It's that type of fight -- No joke.

I had to literally pick myself up after every nap. I had to think hard for minutes and 'plan' getting off the couch. I spent hours on the same couch not doing anything....just breathing and living like a vegetable. I was told if I spent a long time napping, sleeping or not moving that I would get pneumonia, so getting my body to move was a big mental and physical battle.

What got me going almost every time was the crucifixion of Christ and how much He suffered. When I remembered the scenes from the Passion of the Christ or the documentary I watched on April 1st, right before knowing I had Sarcoma, I got a strength from within, a voice pushing me, and a surreal power that would just lift my body. I was totally reckless. God was literally picking me up.

Having to drink liquids every 15 minutes was another torture. I couldn't keep up with drinking so often. Not drinking raises the risk of getting the Kidneys infected. A lot of Chemo patients get Kidney infections...and that scared the heck out of me....so I had to fight to drink. Every sip was harder than the previous sip. Ginger Ale and Apple Juice were my only tolerable drinks. They were my friends during these tough days....but even they were tough to bare after a while...

It's true that this 'game' is mostly a mental one, but the body is always wanting to trump the mind. You then get into a personal battle -- and you shape this battle based on who you really are, how much you can handle and how much you're ready to handle. Sort of like a pride thing. And for the pride that I've had in my past, the Lord broke me and humbled me. I easily acknowledged man's weakness and God's greatness. It was beautiful. I enjoyed noticing how Great and overwhelming God is, and that all mankind is at His mercy. All we are is just 'Dust in the Wind'...Not surprising that even Kansas, the band, got it right.

But I was committed to do this. True commitment is serious and powerful. It's not just saying you'll do it, but rather doing it. It's not conditional because being committed means to be absolutely committed. And that's how it was with me. I was in the midst of this, but I had to keep on going. I had no choice and no turning back.

I had to work with what I had. It meant perseverance until the goal was reached. This was my mind frame throughout these days, until they were over. I had to adjust to reality and move forward. I had to work hard to achieve making it through the days without making it harder than it really is.

Not fun times I tell you...But the good thing is that I never complained or asked why this happened to me. It didn't bother me. I will repeat this...I felt honored to carry this task forward to glorify God. I wouldn't trade this for anything. It's changing who I am and how I perceive life and this world. It's really changed me on many fronts, mostly on the spiritual one. Ive also become much more emotional.

When all is said and done, this would have been the best experience Ive ever had, and I thank God for teaching me and being patient with me. There are a lot of worse cases and scenarios out there...This isn't the worst thing in the world. And hearing God's voice on April 2nd and feeling His peace makes it all the more better for me. I really can't complain. God is good, all the time. I am very blessed. I will stay committed because I know that true commitment gets results like nothing else can.

I was going to post a video I took on Day 5, but decided not to...I have 2 others which I'll include in this post...

The following days I thought would get better, but they didn't. The problem is Chemo destroyed all cells: good, bad, hair cells, everything. My immune system had gone to the ground. My white blood count was basically at 0 (0.4 to be exact), meaning I could catch any bacteria very easily. Fever and sickness are easy targets as well, so we were told to go to the Emergency Room if any of those symptoms arose. We actually had a list we had to follow. There are over 10 symptoms that make one have to go to the ER. I had high fever on Day 10, so I had to go to the ER.

Even if you're doing well and are feeling strong, once you check into the ER, they make sure to take you down. Besides the blood shot and the 12 tubes of blood they take, the hospital and patients make things all the more depressing. I was very weak and my fever was very high. They kept giving me various pills and injecting me with anti-biotic fluids to drop my fever but it wouldn't drop. I had Neutropenic Fever. If you're interested in understanding more about the importance of fever during low blood count, you can read this article:

http://www.chemocare.com/managing/fever_neutropenic_fever_and_their.asp

I had to return to the ER for 2 more days until they dismissed me and let me stay home on antibiotics...My fever had somewhat dropped by Day 12 and I didn't have to go to the ER anymore....What a relief!

The following picture might remind you of Michael Jackson....During another cycle, I'll try to mimic MJ and wear the same clothes he was wearing. Haha ;)

By the way, one of the medications Im taking does not allow me to stay under the sun, thus the umbrella ;)

The life of the mask had become my new life:

On Day 10, I got rashes in 5 different areas of my upper body: my arm, my hips, and on my sides. It was annoying and I had to use creams.

On days 11 and 12, I got a black eye and my backside was killing me. I was not able to sit on a chair anymore. We were told the pain and the symptoms would go away after 2 days...It was very painful.

On Day 11, I also lost my taste buds. Water tasted bitter, food tasted very different....It was quite upsetting. I remember craving a Taco late at night, so I went and bought one from Taco Bell. As soon as I got home I ate it. It had to be the worst tasting taco Ive ever had. It didn't taste like a Taco. It tasted bitter and just unpleasant to the mouth. I had a hard time eating just one crunchy taco. I usually eat 5 or 6 of those.

Days 13 and 14 were especially memorable as I got not-so-typical symptoms. On Day 13 I had severe stomach ache and it was harsher than any stomach ache Ive had in my past...I thought the world was going to end. I was relieved when it went away towards late afternoon. We were getting ready to go to the ER for this, but I got lucky as the pain subsided.

On Day 14, I got a severe tooth ache. I was so upset because I had gotten over Nausea but now could not eat due to my tooth! It was so frustrating!

This tooth pain was by far the strongest pain I had experienced during my cancer journey so far. It literally killed me, and I called Dr. Raad who immediately put me in touch with a Dental Oncologist friend of his.

After meeting with the doctor and taking X-rays, I was told I had to re-do a Root Canal on a tooth, and the best time to do it is a few days before a new cycle of Chemotherapy so that I don't catch an infection. I re-did my Root Canal on Wednesday May 12, Day 21 of the cycle.

Day 15 was my first good day! I woke up and was surprised to be OK. I had no symptoms, was over my nausea and was ready to enjoy my day! My tooth ache had stopped with the antibiotic I was taking. I felt so blessed that day! I was still weak and couldn't do too much activity, but I was doing just fine.

The following days until Day 21 were all good. They are days purposely left for the cancer patients so that they could gain some energy, eat more and put on weight, get stronger and take a breather from Chemo. It's really boiled down to a science.

During Cycle 1, I went from 82Kg to 72. By Day 18, I was back up at 74Kg. I hit 76kg by the time I started Cycle 2 on Friday May 14.

Here is a video taken on Day 19, or Sunday May 9th. By the way I was going to post 2 other videos, but I decided not to...so this is video 3, and that's why I mention the other 2 videos in this one:

My friend Alex came over on Day 20 to shave my head. It was a fun and memorable time.

Alex and his wife Elissa have been a huge blessing in my life. Besides their daily prayers and spiritual support, they have worldly advice too as they're both cancer survivors. Having them around has made a difference and I'm thankful for them.

My mom, who was expecting the worse and dreading the day I lose my hair, didn't find my haircut too bad. I was thankful as my new haircut made me feel like I'm in the army.

Catheter Insertion and Chemo Day 1: April 21, 2010

This had to be the ugliest day for me....Not only is it Day #1 of Chemotherapy, but also the day I would have to do my mini-operation: the Catheter Insertion. I was dreading it. I woke up and was heavy...slothful and dragging my feet wherever I went. I usually make things bigger than they really are in my mind. I don't know why I like to overestimate my enemy and over-analyze the 'pain' involved in a procedure, but that's just me. There's some good and some bad to that. But it can also be counter-effective. A small surgery has now become a major operation in my head.

We got to MDA and I started my day with a blood shot. I couldn't believe how this has become the least of my worries. I used to freak out about blood shots, but have now become more friendly towards them. And maybe today's blood shot seemed easier to me knowing my next destination was a giant I wasn't ready to face.

We arrived at the IV Injection Center. This is where they would insert 2 tubes in my body through the vain going to my heart. The crazy part is that they made me watch a video which scared me even more. In the video they talk about the risks, the failures in the procedures etc....basically things to stress me more. I thought it was unwise of them to show the patients the video until after the mini-surgery.

Here I was after the blood shot, in the waiting room, waiting for them to call my name:

You could tell I was afraid. Every man has their own fears. So I called to Christ to calm me during this turbulent time....

⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

⁶ This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles. PSALM 34

As time was nearing, I wasn't sleeping...I was praying fervently and asking the Lord for a smooth procedure. I was asking Him to remove the fear in my heart and give me peace instead, as they perform the operation. I wasn't going to be sedated and I know that when I am awake I am more anxious and more fearful of 'people' working on me. As small this task was for God, yet as afraid as I was. This is how weak us men are. I am the first to think so...I have the willingness to jump off a plane, but in retrospect, I am weak, I am frail...and I need God in all things, small and big. We always think we can do things alone, and sometimes we can, but that road is so much tougher. I'd rather not walk it. It's at least good to realize that God is in control at ALL times, even though you're a 'I can do it' type person.

They called my name, and once again, I looked at my parents and told them 'bye.' My mother couldn't let go of me this time, so she asked the nurse to accompany me inside. [She loves doing this and is good at it....hehe]. The nurse let her in, but told her she would have to step out when the procedure takes place. It was maybe part of God's plan to allow my mother inside so that I would have more comfort and peace.

We were greeted by a very kind and special nurse. She made us feel comfortable and was answering all our questions. She would also be the nurse attending to the surgeon in my procedure. I was happy to know she would be in the room. As we were beginning to talk about catheters, Dr. Raad brightens my day and shows up in the room too! When the Lord provides, He gives abundantly. In the room were now a very kind nurse, my mother, Dr. Raad and myself. It was sublime!
I ask the nurse: "Do you know Dr. Raad?" She smiles and looks at me and says "I know of him, but I don't know him"...so I look at Dr. Raad and tell him "I am honored to wear your catheter" and he tells me immediately "I am honored that you wear it."

[The reason this is a big deal is because Dr. Raad patented many of the catheters, and the catheter MDA wanted to put in my body was a Dr. Raad patented catheter.]

After some chatting, it is time for the procedure. When the surgeon walked in, my mother and Dr. Raad stepped out. But before he stepped out, we gathered for a quick prayer. It meant the world to me. I was in need. So much prayer and so much focus on Him were barely enough to calm my heart. It was to all begin.

The nurse had me lay on the bed and shaved my right chest. She gave me a 'pill' to chew on and swallow. She said it would make my body relaxed during the procedure. I thanked her and then told her I was a big guy and needed a second one! haha...So we waited 10 min and she gave me another one although she wasn't really supposed to. The odd thing is that I didn't feel anything. It was so nasty - I felt no different and wasn't necessarily 'relaxed' - maybe it was a mind game to make me less stressed? I didn't know what to think. She cleaned my chest area with alcohol and then the surgeon came in.

He told me the procedure wouldn't take a long time and that I had to stay still for the most part. He gave me a sheet to hold and told me to look to the left so that no bacteria would penetrate through my body (not even my cough or breath). I felt a strong pinch, and I told myself that it had to be the local anesthesia. It was good to know that the worst was over...Still looking to the left side (nothing there, simply a wall with a few things to meditate on) I then feel a very strong feeling of 'tubes' penetrating my body (and the reason I knew this was happening was because I could hear the tubes unweaving!) It was very painful.....I couldn't wait for him to finish. A few seconds later I ask him if he's done and he tells me "we are." I was happy. This procedure was more painful than the biopsy and worse than any injection or blood shot. It was tough. I was very glad this part was over.

This is what a 2-tube catheter looks like:

What a packed day...We then had to wait a few hours and go for session #1 of Chemotherapy. Little did I know I would be hooked to a black backpack for 5 consecutive days, non-stop...

Here I was while waiting to go inside for Chemo 1:

As I write this blog fifteen days late, I realize how strong and healthy I looked on this first Chemo day. We were to sit there for about 6 hours as they inject me with Round 1 of Chemo.

Towards the end, I was so tired and exhausted...Ready to go home. I'll never forget Kendrick, my new friend who took care of me on this first day. He is pictured above a few times. He has some good biceps for those Chemo bags ;)

I left and went home and took with me the black backpack pictured above. I could not go anywhere without it. It was my new Chemo buddy...And similarly to this Chemo bag, God had been walking with me and had been standing by me in every procedure and had been lifting me up during every tough time. I couldn't have been typing this without His grace and His never-ending love for me. Thank you Jesus.

Meet THE MAN! - April 19, 2010

This morning was the Haddad family's field trip to MDA to visit with our Sarcoma Doctor. MDA had looked over the biopsy and studied my case. We were hungry for the doctor to fill us in.

The way the Sarcoma Dept works at MDA is that a committee of 20-25 doctors/pathologists/radiologists etc meet together in a conference room and discuss my files, records and scans and come to one verdict. The doctor then communicates the results to the patient.

This is where we were. We hadn't heard detailed PETScan results, nor were we sure of the exact Sarcoma I had. While we were not fully in the dark, many pieces to the puzzle were missing. Thus, we anxiously awaited the doctor's arrival. From what we heard from various sources (including a few out-of-state friends), my doctor turned out to be a world-renown Sarcoma doctor, #1 in the world. His name was Dr. S. Patel. I won't lie by saying this didn't provide some relief from within.

He told us my Sarcoma was complicated and pretty rare and that MDA would need to do another biopsy before they can determine the exact 'scholarly name' for it. The PETScan results showed an aggressive tumor, and Dr. Patel was more in favor of starting Chemotherapy immediately rather than trying to figure out what cancer name mine belonged to. The treatments would be identical regardless of what the biopsy conveyed. Although it's a bit more bizarre staging a localized tumor, he thought my tumor was a stage 3 because it was an aggressive tumor and because it had started putting pressure on some organs but did not invade any of them and all seemed safe. He was adamant about getting started asap though.

Time was of the essence. My Chemotherapy was to begin 2 days later....

His treatment plan would include 6 cycles of intense Chemotherapy: 'the most intense Chemotherapy known to man' as he quoted, whereas after every 2 cycles a PETScan is done to show the progress. [Every cycle is 21 days, and the first 5 days are devoted to Chemotherapy].

After the 6 cycles are complete, hopefully the Chemotherapy would have done its job of shrinking the tumor. At that point, they would do a surgery to take it out. After surgery, I would dive into another 2-4 cycles of Chemotherapy.....so it seemed like an 8-10 month process.

We left his office with mixed feelings as it is going to be a tough journey, but happy to embark on a mission that can destroy the invader of my pelvis!

I was then asked to take a few X-Rays before heading out for the day:

Sleeping time: 4 hours.

Good news! - April 16, 2010

We were told we had a small chance of getting the PETScan results before Monday...And as the clock ticked 5pm on this Friday afternoon, Dr. Raad shared with me the good news that my Cancer was confirmed to be localized! It's one of those feelings that mark a milestone in this journey...and I was praising God for His grace...!

My family and I were so happy to hear this!! We were not ready to spend another weekend in darkness guessing the results.

For my type of Cancer, prognosis states that metasticized and spread out tumors of this Cancer drops the survival rate below 10% (on average)...I don't think anyone would be ready for this...

God is good, all the time! You too, can smile and praise God! You're breathing today, and you're able to eat, drink, sleep and log on to the Internet. We are blessed, people. Sometimes it takes a lot for us to realize this, and I am the first to be in that camp. I didn't realize how blessed I was until this happened...But hopefully we can all 'wake up' and just take a minute and thank God for what He's done so far in our lives -- without discounting the unknown and the unseen either.

Later on that night, more friends dropped by for a visit! It was also awesome to have my brother by my side this weekend. He did so much work behind the scenes and made sure I had a 'plan' before he headed back to Washington, DC.

Sleeping time: 5 hours.

Weight Loss - La Madeleine - April 15, 2010

This was the day I realized how much weight I had lost...Im not usually a person to weigh myself on a regular basis, but it showed a lot when I wore a tight t-shirt...kind of depressing, but that's the name of the game. I will have to fight to gain it all back.

Later on in the afternoon, I was to meet up with some friends at La Madeleine...When I looked at the Facebook Message, 7 people were included...Turns out many more people showed up. They made my day. I was very happy to see them all!

And since I did quite some activity today, my sleep would pay the price...

Sleeping time: 4 hours.

PETScan Day! - April 14, 2010

Contrary to what you might think, PETScan Day is not a fun day at the Zoo, nor is it a day to remember "all the pets out there." But my family and I were so excited about the PETScan, nonetheless.

It had its importance because it would confirm if my Cancer is metastisized, or contained and localized in one area. From what St. Luke's had gathered, my tumor was localized. But it still needed to be confirmed via the PETScan.

The other important factor about the PETScan was that if my Insurance approved this step, all the later steps would be approved and I would be good to go for MD Anderson!

My appointment was at 2pm. It was the first time my mom and I were both in wheelchairs due to our situation. For me, the more I walked, the more I ached at night; walking had become a big discomfort.

We got there a few minutes early and got checked in. I was nervous about the PETScan because I had to stay still for a total of an hour and a half. My constant pain, and pinched nerve added to the discomfort of making the process impossible.

A younger lady called my name and looked out in the waiting room; I then raised my hand and said "Yes, Im here".

As soon as she saw me, she froze for a second and then I confirmed I was the patient as I was walking towards her. It's true, I didn't see other younger guys my age in the room, so it can be surprising to anyone. It's one of those moments that lasted about a minute although it was really only a second or two. On my way towards her, I look at my parents and sister, and my mom says a quick word of encouragement in Arabic.

As she took me to the back, she asked me "Do you speak Arabic?" And I told her I did. I then asked her where she was from, and turns out she is Palestinian. So we immediately connected and I felt like I had a friend during this "PETScan" mess.

I changed into hospital clothes (Scrubs - the only good thing about this...). And for once the young lady gave me sizes that fit me well! I was usually given tops with XL sizes making me look ridiculous.

She took me to my private room - a small cubicle with a counter and one nature frame hanging in front of the one-person extendable chair. It was a cute spot. As soon as I sat down while waiting for the nurse to attend to me, I heard a bunch of guys snoring....and they were loud! I was so excited to find out that sleeping was allowed during the 1.5hr ordeal! lol.

I knew I wouldn't be able to stay still even if I managed to fall asleep so I asked for water so that I can take a painkiller pill. Surely enough, I took one with quick-release effects...

The Arab friend told me she'd come to my room and check on me every once in a while. Right before I was injected, she dropped by and we chatted for a few minutes. She was very gentle, kind and supportive of my worries.

The worse part about procedures is being misinformed. I knew I had to do an IV in my arm to inject contrast liquids for the PETScan. Turns out the nurse needs to also give me a little finger shot to measure the blood in my body! I was so upset!! lol. I hate shots, let alone 2 in 3 minutes.

Thankfully, God make it pass quickly and my hour and a half started ticking.

I was very still, and I felt the morphine based painkiller's effect as my pain died down. I was contemplating the nature picture facing me and then tried to sleep many times, but was unable to. One shouldn't be thinking either so the contrast doesn't go to the brains versus the tumor. Any muscle movement makes the PETScan less reliable as less of the tumor lights up during the procedure. That's why sleeping is a no-brainer!

So I ended up sitting there without moving...The time passed by quicker than I had anticipated. My mind was thinking, so I was worried I failed the exam.

After this part was over, they took me to the PETScan machine. And this is basically a combination of an MRI and a CT Scan. I wasn't supposed to move for 25 min. Although I found it very hard due to my pain and due to the way they had me lie on my back, I was so determined to do it, and didn't move!! I feel like this is too much information, but it was a big accomplishment for me! It was not really a mind game, but my mind conquered the pain in my body, as it was begging me to move!

On my way out, I ran into the Arab young lady near the elevators. It felt like she was already a friend I had known for a while....maybe because she marks my first PETScan, and it meant something to me.

That same night, I faced the highest fever yet. The whole family was helping by putting ice cold cloths on my forehead, and this would help as it was lowering the fever by about 0.5 degrees Fahrenheit every 30 minutes....Poor mother did this for over 2 hours. I ended up having close to a sleepless night.

Thumbs up for the new symptoms that keep coming ;)

Sleeping time: 3 hours.

Insurance Galore!! - April 13, 2010

A new morning comes our way...with new blessings from the Lord...

Psalm 34:8

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

We got a call from MDA confirming that ALL requests have been approved by my Insurance! It was a moment we cherished and one we wouldn't forget either!! Soon thereafter, I got a call from a PETScan Department Technician verifying that I would be able to make it the next day to my PETScan appointment!

I felt refreshed and renewed....MDA's plan was going to carry me forward.

Looking back a few days though, I remembered a few loyal, loving and giving friends who told me (while crying over the phone) and in person that should the Insurance NOT work, they were willing to give me all they had in their checking accounts, and they were ready to start raising funds for my treatment. My heart was so moved by this....3 separate friends told me the same thing... I knew my treatment wasn't a cheap one and that raising the money would probably not happen.

But honestly, the 3 dear friends I speak of were ready to give me $100,000 combined....!!
I didn't ask for the money, nor did I need it, but that amount was already available...I was amazed at their commitment. My mind flew that route for a second, and I can only imagine what people and friends would have done to get me treated at MDA should Insurance not have worked! I am surrounded by people who love me....THANK YOU ALL!

Until my next appointment, I would patiently wait for treatment and continue to take painkillers as my pain didn't cease...

Sleeping time: 5 hours.

Monday Funday - April 12, 2010

If you're like me, you sometimes hear yourself saying "I would be happy if....or, I will be satisfied when...". In longing for some future good, we forget that everyday is a gift from God. If you're able to get out of bed and all your limbs and bones and senses are working, you are beyond blessed! Do not take it for granted....!!

_______________

This morning we woke up ready to implement this new agenda and arrive at Joe's cousin's clinic by 8:30am, as decided.

I remember not getting ready on time, and therefore had to eat my breakfast in the car. My brother Basil and my mom were sharing some powerful verses before the start of our week. We were looking to God and trying to focus on His greatness and on His goodness, and that despite all we had been through, He was still with us guiding our every step and making us feel at peace. I have been loving this peace.

We met with my new Primary doctor (Joe's cousin) and she made us feel at home; she was wanting to help us as best and as fast as she was able to. We got from her the Full Referral to MDA and her nurse got right on it and faxed what she needed to fax as well made the necessary calls. We were cruising by 9:30am!

Our 'workday' was short. We spent the rest of the day at home waiting to receive clearance from my Insurance. MDA was notified of my PCP change and started submitting requests for approvals for my Insurance. My Insurance responded back that afternoon with partial clearance for some of the items requested. It was a good start! But the PETScan wasn't approved yet. This was the big item we were waiting for.

5pm was here and there no was answer about the PETScan. We kept our hopes up though and were fervently praying to the Lord to take care of this Insurance problem once and for all!

Sleeping time: 6 hours.

PCP Changed & Meeting setup! - April 10, 2010

Joe spoke to his cousin and she gladly accepted to meet with us at 9am on Monday morning. She was now my new PCP.

We spent the rest of the weekend enjoying my brother's visit with us, and we were not stressed nor worried about our Insurance plan not working. God put peace in our hearts.

It was so amazing to see how God was working full-time on my case. Every step of the way had been bumpy, but God was holding our hand and His presence was very evident. He interceded for us every time and reminded us that "Nothing is Impossible with Him".

Later on that afternoon, I texted Fadi, a dear friend, and told him I can meet with him and the others who were available. As I get to our meeting point, to my surprise, I see over 18 people waiting for me, ready to hug and support me. Turns out over 27 people showed up that night for our initial coffee-time followed by a Tex-Mex dinner.

Dear friends and the rest of the crew! Love you guys!

Good times with Paul A., a dear friend and pharmacist who lives 2 min away!

They just had to have me wear a nasty, bacteria-infested Sombrero....Lol, Dang, this hat was the heaviest one yet. My head had a hard time holding it for too long.

I felt super-blessed and relieved to see so many people praying for me. God is good!

Sleeping time: 5 hours.