Catheter Insertion and Chemo Day 1: April 21, 2010

This had to be the ugliest day for me....Not only is it Day #1 of Chemotherapy, but also the day I would have to do my mini-operation: the Catheter Insertion. I was dreading it. I woke up and was heavy...slothful and dragging my feet wherever I went. I usually make things bigger than they really are in my mind. I don't know why I like to overestimate my enemy and over-analyze the 'pain' involved in a procedure, but that's just me. There's some good and some bad to that. But it can also be counter-effective. A small surgery has now become a major operation in my head.

We got to MDA and I started my day with a blood shot. I couldn't believe how this has become the least of my worries. I used to freak out about blood shots, but have now become more friendly towards them. And maybe today's blood shot seemed easier to me knowing my next destination was a giant I wasn't ready to face.

We arrived at the IV Injection Center. This is where they would insert 2 tubes in my body through the vain going to my heart. The crazy part is that they made me watch a video which scared me even more. In the video they talk about the risks, the failures in the procedures etc....basically things to stress me more. I thought it was unwise of them to show the patients the video until after the mini-surgery.

Here I was after the blood shot, in the waiting room, waiting for them to call my name:

You could tell I was afraid. Every man has their own fears. So I called to Christ to calm me during this turbulent time....

⁴ I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

⁶ This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles. PSALM 34

As time was nearing, I wasn't sleeping...I was praying fervently and asking the Lord for a smooth procedure. I was asking Him to remove the fear in my heart and give me peace instead, as they perform the operation. I wasn't going to be sedated and I know that when I am awake I am more anxious and more fearful of 'people' working on me. As small this task was for God, yet as afraid as I was. This is how weak us men are. I am the first to think so...I have the willingness to jump off a plane, but in retrospect, I am weak, I am frail...and I need God in all things, small and big. We always think we can do things alone, and sometimes we can, but that road is so much tougher. I'd rather not walk it. It's at least good to realize that God is in control at ALL times, even though you're a 'I can do it' type person.

They called my name, and once again, I looked at my parents and told them 'bye.' My mother couldn't let go of me this time, so she asked the nurse to accompany me inside. [She loves doing this and is good at it....hehe]. The nurse let her in, but told her she would have to step out when the procedure takes place. It was maybe part of God's plan to allow my mother inside so that I would have more comfort and peace.

We were greeted by a very kind and special nurse. She made us feel comfortable and was answering all our questions. She would also be the nurse attending to the surgeon in my procedure. I was happy to know she would be in the room. As we were beginning to talk about catheters, Dr. Raad brightens my day and shows up in the room too! When the Lord provides, He gives abundantly. In the room were now a very kind nurse, my mother, Dr. Raad and myself. It was sublime!
I ask the nurse: "Do you know Dr. Raad?" She smiles and looks at me and says "I know of him, but I don't know him"...so I look at Dr. Raad and tell him "I am honored to wear your catheter" and he tells me immediately "I am honored that you wear it."

[The reason this is a big deal is because Dr. Raad patented many of the catheters, and the catheter MDA wanted to put in my body was a Dr. Raad patented catheter.]

After some chatting, it is time for the procedure. When the surgeon walked in, my mother and Dr. Raad stepped out. But before he stepped out, we gathered for a quick prayer. It meant the world to me. I was in need. So much prayer and so much focus on Him were barely enough to calm my heart. It was to all begin.

The nurse had me lay on the bed and shaved my right chest. She gave me a 'pill' to chew on and swallow. She said it would make my body relaxed during the procedure. I thanked her and then told her I was a big guy and needed a second one! haha...So we waited 10 min and she gave me another one although she wasn't really supposed to. The odd thing is that I didn't feel anything. It was so nasty - I felt no different and wasn't necessarily 'relaxed' - maybe it was a mind game to make me less stressed? I didn't know what to think. She cleaned my chest area with alcohol and then the surgeon came in.

He told me the procedure wouldn't take a long time and that I had to stay still for the most part. He gave me a sheet to hold and told me to look to the left so that no bacteria would penetrate through my body (not even my cough or breath). I felt a strong pinch, and I told myself that it had to be the local anesthesia. It was good to know that the worst was over...Still looking to the left side (nothing there, simply a wall with a few things to meditate on) I then feel a very strong feeling of 'tubes' penetrating my body (and the reason I knew this was happening was because I could hear the tubes unweaving!) It was very painful.....I couldn't wait for him to finish. A few seconds later I ask him if he's done and he tells me "we are." I was happy. This procedure was more painful than the biopsy and worse than any injection or blood shot. It was tough. I was very glad this part was over.

This is what a 2-tube catheter looks like:

What a packed day...We then had to wait a few hours and go for session #1 of Chemotherapy. Little did I know I would be hooked to a black backpack for 5 consecutive days, non-stop...

Here I was while waiting to go inside for Chemo 1:

As I write this blog fifteen days late, I realize how strong and healthy I looked on this first Chemo day. We were to sit there for about 6 hours as they inject me with Round 1 of Chemo.

Towards the end, I was so tired and exhausted...Ready to go home. I'll never forget Kendrick, my new friend who took care of me on this first day. He is pictured above a few times. He has some good biceps for those Chemo bags ;)

I left and went home and took with me the black backpack pictured above. I could not go anywhere without it. It was my new Chemo buddy...And similarly to this Chemo bag, God had been walking with me and had been standing by me in every procedure and had been lifting me up during every tough time. I couldn't have been typing this without His grace and His never-ending love for me. Thank you Jesus.